Anton Ego’s Guide To Disneyland

As I’m sure you already know, I am the famed Anton Ego. Master food critic. Parisian citizen exemplar. The world’s leading authority on cuisine. I  could go on and on but I suppose I should get down to business.

Ugh, must we use the above picture! (We must – MK). I would never stoop to such childish theatrics but my companions insisted I obtain this ridiculous piece of outerwear as it was my first visit to the so-called “Magic Kingdom.”

Well, what do we have here? A gallery in the midst of a carnival ground? Color me surprised Disney. Color me surprised.
And a cinema? I must say I’m pleased but I would prefer they intersperse these cartoonish images with a few of my guest appearances on Parisian television. Surely they have a copy of Anyone Can Cook?
“Hello? Hello? Will you quit this infernal racket and tell me who’s speaking?!?”
Oh. I am not amused.
English toffee, hmmm. It’s not French but I must say it smells quite good. And I do like that they make it in front of you. It helps prevent any unwanted surprises with the cooking staff.
What to select for my rats, er, humans, er, friends back home?
Ahhh, the unicorn lollipop. I’m suddenly back on the farm reaching for my treat as a reward for finishing my ratatouille.
Perhaps adventure is out there? (As I recall, your name is Anton Ego, not Carl Fredricksen – MK)

I much prefer the view from the sidewalk cafes in Paris. Where are the Chestnut trees???

Sweet nectar of the gods! This mouse shaped pretzel and cheese is quell superb! Oh, and the chicken is alright too.
I did not need propping up. I am not that old. I did not invite her pity nor did I need it. I let her pay for my pineapple whip in exchange for this indignity.

And insisted she feed me.I am a great man after all.

Haunted Mansion? Oh really.

This was no scarier than my last visit to that supposed four star restaurant I reviewed recently.
A mint julep with no alcohol. I laugh! On second thought, it was quite tasty.
I enjoyed the piano music but do not understand American humor. Except for Jerry Lewis. Comic genius, I say!
A well deserved rest on a raft to Tom Sawyer’s Island. An island in the middle of a theme park? Really?
Another boat trip?

“It’s a small world after all…” That infernal song! Shall it forever ring in my ears!

Now this is my favorite American food – the ice cream sundae.

I’d rather not remember this. No one should endure a spinning tea cup ride after eating an ice cream sundae.

This visit to the Thunder Ranch brought my second flashback of the day. Oh Bessie, how I loved that mare.

She looked a bit like the horse in the picture I so beautifully colored.

Toontown? Is this where my fellow critics reside?

The day was coming to a close and I admit I relished the leisurely ride on the paddle wheeler.

Another picture? Really? It’s just a log cabin. Aren’t they all over this strange land of yours?

What is this I see?

Almost as funny as your Jerry Lewis!

I concede. This is quite lovely. In fact the entire day was quite lovely. Disneyland! America! You have bewitched me!



  1. shannon May 30, 2012 at 4:28 am

    oh bother… this incessant rant made me wish i could go back…

    loved the haunted mansion restaurant review comment!!!

  2. Ferly June 5, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    Hilarious! I could just see you all over the park taking pictures of Anton. I will say hello if I ever bump into you and Anton.

    ~ Ferly
    Gifts We Use {to grow, love and serve}

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